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from the adventures of Bart Battly


"I know what'll happen! I'm gonna be dead meat!" thought CYB-ORG, the work robot who was trying out for a job with a member of the Alien Force. Someone named Bart or something. CYB was around 6 feet tall and silver all over, except for his eyes tinted light red. He had a diamond shape on his chest.

The CYB-ORG knocked on the door of the spaceship, and it instantly opened. He walked inside, cautiously, and then saw a man, about 29, standing at the controls of the ship. He had brown hair, was very strong, and very handsome. Next to him was standing a beautiful woman, about 24, who was helping the man.

"Oh, hi there!" the man said. "My name is Bart Battly and this is my associate, Serena Gomitz."

"Associate?!" the woman said.

"Okay, she's a...friend."

"Thank you."

"Uh, yeah. I'm CYB-ORG, meaning cybernetic organism. You can call me CYB for short."

"Okay, CYB."

CYB-ORG was very surprised, but he didn't show it. He expected his new owners to be mean and obnoxious, like most AF-ers.

"Hi, Bart. Is this the new metal-mouth?" A biped whose head looked like a grasshopper walked in. He was green and also had red eyes. He was slightly taller than Bart and had a costume similar to Bart's.

"No, Lissk, this is our new work droid," Bart said.

"Metal-mouth, work droid -- same thing!" the bug-man replied. "Can I use him? The starboard side hull is leaking air."

"I guess, Lissk. But please don't lash out and destroyed him like the other two," Bart requested.

"Okay. C'mon, uh...uh...I don't know your name."

"CYB-ORG. You can call me CYB."

"Is that C-Y-B or C-I-B."


"Oh, how I hate robots!"

Meanwhile, back in the cockpit, Bart and Serena were fixing the control panel. Bart kept sneaking looks at the beautiful woman. And when she looked, he turned away. This act went on until Serena tried to make small talk with Bart.

"Well, Bart, how do you like Mocen?"

"Oh, it's a good planet to visit, but I wouldn't want to live here."

"You do! At least temporarily."

"Yeah, temporarily! I'd rather spend a month living here in the Black Hole than a day on this planet!"

"Well, excuuuse me!"

They went back to work and Bart again stared at her long blonde hair. Just then a thick six-inch disc flew into the room. It halted in mid-flight and then fluttered over to the control panel Bart and Serena were working on.

"Hello, Captain!" a child-like voice greeted.

"Hi, Chip. How're your memory banks?"

"Oh, just fine."

"Hey, Chip, could you get a matter displacer for me? There's a bunch of rust here behind the computer terminal," Serena asked.

"Excuse me, I am a computer access memory robot, not a work droid! By the way, where is that work droid you requested?" Chip inquired.

"Oh, Lissk is using him down on starboard."

"Thank you, Miss Gomitz. Wheeee!"

And then Chip sped down the corridor.




"You're doing very well on that hull, CYB," Lissk said while sipping a glass of lemonade.

"Thanks, mister. It's pretty easy."

At that second, Chip came flinging down the corridor. "Wheeee...whoops!" He smashed through the hull that CYB-ORG was repairing, and then a section of the room was dislodged from its fixture. After the dust had settled, a tiny "Uh-oh" could be heard from the small, floating disc.

CYB-ORG pushed away his metal trappings and said, "What the hey went through here, a runaway laser beam?"

"No, just a Chip," Lissk said after he recovered. "Chip!!"

"Yes, almighty bug-man?"

"It'll take hours to fix and clean up this mess!"

"I calculate 3.467 hours."



"Shut up!"

"'Scuse me, guys, but...what are you?" CYB asked Chip.

Lissk answered, "Oh, this is Chip, a robot's answer to clumsy. He's our information droid."

"Hey, are you the new work droid?" Chip inquired.

"Yeah. What's it to ya?" CYB-ORG returned.

"Nothing. Just nice to have another metal body around the ship."

"Oh. Thanks."

"Want some electronic vitalizers? We got a bunch in the kitchen!"

"Okay. Can I take five, Lissk ol' buddy?"

"I guess," Lissk said as he picked up a dustpan and broom.

Minutes later, CYB and Chip were in the Black Hole's mess hall, drinking what appeared to be oil. CYB-ORG's light red eyes scanned the room and examined some interesting, unknown appliances. Then he noticed a packet of paper and walked over to see it.

"Hey, Chip, these are the flight plans for this spaceship."

"Let me see." A quiet whir sounded inside Chip's electronic brain. "It says here that we are going on a cargo run to Tsunce tomorrow."

"Tsunce! Isn't that a planet run by...ulp...the Dictatorship?!"

"Yup! Oh boy, excitement!"

"Yeah. Excitement," CYB said sarcastically.

Just then Bart and Serena walked into the room. CYB-ORG quickly set the plans back down as Chip went back to his drink.

"Hi guys. Fatso here got hungry, so we took a break," Bart said as he polished his belt buckle.

"Fatso! I'll have you know that I've stayed at a steady 120 for a long time!" Serena shot back.

"Yeah. 120 tons," Bart whispered.

"What was that?"

"Yeah. You gained none."

"I'll accept that."

Bart and Serena went on in silent conflict for a few minutes while they each had a small snack. Meanwhile the silver CYB-ORG was recalling all the terrible things he had heard of the Dictatorship. Run by the evil Dictator, the mysterious man with a computer-grid face, the Dictatorship was the largest empire of evil around. The Dictator's Guard, sometimes just called the Guard, were many in rank, strong and fearless. Their only weakness was stupidity. It would be impossible for two humans, two robots and a bug-man to beat them.

"Hey, Serena."

"Yeah, Bart."

"Do we have enough fuel to get to Tsunce tomorrow?"


"Oh, Chip. I forgot to tell you. We're going to Tsunce tomorrow on a fake cargo run."

"I know."


"I mean, I thought so."


Then very quietly, Chip emitted, "Ohboyohboyohboy!"




A man in blue and yellow armor stood up, walked down a hallway and disappeared into a doorway. As he entered he hazed at the huge room for a moment and then walked up near a throne-like chair. The man genuflected and the chair suddenly turned around. In it was a 6-foot man wearing a grey robe. His face was different colors of a computer grid, and his hands were as black as midnight. This man was the Dictator.

"Sir...." the man, obviously one of the Guard, choked out.

"Yes, my servant," the grey-cloaked man replied.

"All guards are present and no prisoners have escaped."

"Thank you, Admiral."

The armored man slowly walked out of the tremendous room. Then the Dictator, leader of the empire of evil, thought about his archenemy, Bart Battly, and the Alien Force. A force for good, and to help people. The Alien Force had come close to beating the Dictatorship, but the Dictator wasn't worried about losing. He hated Bart Battly and all of his ideals.

"Why?!" the Dictator yelled, hitting a gold bar and shattering it. "Why does Bart Battly persecute me so? Why can't he just leave the forces of evil alone?"

At that moment, Bart and CYB-ORG were loading the Black Hole with cargo. In the cargo hold, Lissk was checking the wooden crates for damage. The CYB-ORG loaded a crate that pressed Lissk tightly between two of the wooden cubes. After many minutes of non-stop cussing and wriggling, he escaped.

"CYB-ORG, you metal maniac! Were you aware that you had trapped my person between two of the crates you had loaded?"

"Oh, I'm sorry, Lissk," snickered CYB.

"Now I have to go to all the trouble to repair my uniform in the threadular restorer."

"You mean the clothes fixer?"

"Oh, how I hate robots!"

Right then Chip was scanning the spaceship to see if it was spaceworthy. He noticed a control rod on the portside of the spaceship in the engine room, and he figured that Bart put it there in case her was separated from the Black Hole and needed to find its whereabouts. Then Chip whirred off away to the cockpit, slower than the last time.

As the little droid whizzed into the small cockpit, Bart and Serena were arguing over who started the spacecraft.

"You said the first mate could start the ship every fifth time!"

"But in the Handbook of Space Safety, it says the captain of a ship must always start the ship."

CYB-ORG interrupted, "Hey guys, it's a big button. Why don't you both push it at the same time?"

"Fine. We'll do that," the snobbish Serena said.

The digital timer counted down to zero, and Bart and Serena pushed down on the button. They were flung into space at a super speed and CYB, who wasn't used to a change in speed like that, flew backwards because of inertia.

"Ahhhhhhhhhh!" CYB screamed as he shot back through the corridor.

"Lissk, go check on CYB! Make sure he doesn't break through the outer hull!" Bart yelled loudly.

"Okay, boss-man." Lissk ran down the corridor.




Lissk, after running a short time after CYB-ORG, was puffing like a steam engine. As he neared the end of the metal hallway, he noticed 5 marks in a row on the wall, as if something had dug their hands into the metal. Then he came to a room where CYB was getting up off the ground.

"Have a fun ride, metal-man?"

"Fer shure, bug-guy."

"Come on, let's go back to the cockpit," Lissk said, starting off.

"Hey, why don't we go through this teleporter?" CYB asked, pointing a shiny finger to a telephone booth-like object.

"Oh. I...uh...forgot about that."

The two heroes walked together into the silvery teleporter. As they disappeared from the room, the "tracer" Chip had seen earlier turned on. A tiny red light blinked, and it started to hum.

As Lissk and CYB appeared in another teleporter in the cockpit, Bart looked over his shoulder and said, "Oh, hi guys. Lissk, if you wouldn't have taken off so fast I would have reminded you about the teleporter."

"Oh, that's okay. I...uh...needed the exercise."

After that no one said a word. CYB-ORG, tightly strapped in, polished his fingers. Bart kept stealing looks at Serena's beautiful body, as Serena kept looking at Bart. Lissk was the only one making noise, humming Cherneko's 5th Symphony. Chip was gliding around Lissk's head, and Lissk was swatting him like a fly.

Two hundred par-secs later the ominous planet Tsunce came into view. One half of the planet was shimmering like ice and the other side was an eerie red-orange color, like fire. CYB-ORG let out a mechanical gulp as they neared the docking bay of the planet.

They donned black jumpsuits and then the Black Hole stopped in the docking bay.

"This is it," Bart said.




Some of the Dictator's Guard met the heroes on the way down the ramp of the spaceship. Bart signed some papers with an "X." They were invited to a dinner but Bart refused, and he never refused food. Lissk decided Bart had a plan. Then Bart, Serena, Lissk, CYB and Chip retired to some rooms, connected by doors.

"Whew! It feels good to have that black suit off of me. It does nothing for my figure," Serena said, stripping off the clothes.

"Okay, people. I have a plan," Bart announced.

"We figured that," Lissk said.

"Today, when the rest of this place is eating, we'll destroy the computer banks in this outpost."

"Whoa! How're we gonna do that without getting killed?" CYB asked, cautiously.

"Simple! Serena will distract them, wearing that skimpy bikini she bought!"

"Hey! Who volunteered?" Serena yelled. "I don't want to go in front of love-starved guards wearing a bikini."

"It's okay, Serena, you can wear a force field."

"Well, okay. It could prove to you that I haven't gained any weight."

Two blue and yellow armored guards standing outside the computer banks were talking, quietly. Then Bart, hidden, gave Serena the thumbs-up symbol. Serena gulped, then strutted in front of the guards. They didn't notice her, so she cleared her throat. Then they looked her way. She quickly ran away, and they followed her, panting, for they hadn't seen a woman in years. Then Serena turned a corner and hid in a closet, and the guards kept panting down a hall.

At this time, Bart, Lissk, CYB and Chip were trying to destroy the computer banks.

"Blast this terminal, Bart," Chip said.

"Okey dokey," Bart replied as he blew apart the computer.

"This is taking so long," Lissk yawned.

"Well, why don't we use this thermal detonator I've been waiting to use. It would be a lot faster," CYB said.

"Why didn't you say something before?!" Lissk yelled.

"You didn't ask."

"Oh, how I hate robots!"

They placed the thermal detonator in a strategic spot, then dashed out of the room. As the awesome explosion sounded, Serena came out and met the others.

"Wow!" CYB-ORG said, synthetic eyes bugging out.

"Stuff it, tin man, we gotta go!" Serena shot at him.

"Okay," Bart said, flinging Serena over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes.

"Hey, what're you..." Serena said, and then she realized that she was in Bart's tan, muscular arms. She didn't mind.

Bart, with Serena, was running in front of the other three. All of a sudden, a foot-thick metal wall slammed down in front of Lissk, CYB-ORG, and Chip. They turned around and found themselves facing about 50 of the Guard.

"I think we're in trouble," Lissk said.

"Nertz to you, bug-man. Let's blow these turkeys away!" CYB said, jumping into the sea of blue and yellow helmets.

Lissk made a force field around himself and pulled out his laser gun. He downed 4 or 5 very quickly. CYB was doing very well too. He had slammed a few heads together, knocking them out cold. Chip was taking the logical way, though. The tiny microcomputer found an electromagnet which he swiftly turned on. As CYB was about to smash two more heads together the guards were jerked upward, to the ceiling.

"What the...." CYB started to say, and then he noticed all the guards flying upward. The electromagnet Chip had turned on pulled the Guard toward the magnet.

"Yaaayy! Good thing me 'n' CYB are made of non-magnetic metal!" Chip cheered.

"Not to mention my .95 Laser Wesson and Smith," Lissk intervened.

After a moment of staring at the trapped guards, the three went off to search for a way out.




Serena, back in her space dress, jogged down the hallway, worried. Bart, running next to her, smiled as if nothing had happened. She caught a glance of his smile and started to yell.

"You heartless fiend! Lissk and the droids may be dead, and you smile like we're on a pleasure cruise to Miamia!"

"C'mon, 'rena, I'm sure Lissk is all right. He's a member of the Alien Force."

Serena looked away and started biting her fingernails. She stopped, because she didn't want to ruin her expensive manicure. When she looked back to Bart, he was no longer beside her. "Bart! Bart! Where are you, you big pile of muscle?"

The "big pile of muscle" was on a chute, for he had fallen down a trap door. He fell into a room and stopped for a second to gather his bearings. As he stood up, he saw an awesome-looking man looming over him. That grey-cloaked man was the Dictator.

"You scummy slimebag," Bart whispered.

"I heard that, Battly. You're looking well these days. Too bad they will be your last days." And with that, the Dictator pulled a laser gun out of nowhere and started blasting.

Meanwhile, Lissk, CYB-ORG and Chip had no luck finding a way out of their metal trap.

"Well, what should we do, Chip?" Lissk asked.

"I predict that the only way out of here is through that thick steel door."

"But how will we do that?"

"Easy, bug-head. We hit it until it gives!" CYB-ORG said, and then he used his mighty metal arm to blast the door. Three awesome blows later, a huge portion of the door crumbled into fist-sized bits.

"That was easy enough," CYB bragged.

"For you, metal-muscle," Lissk grumbled.

After they walked for a bit they saw Serena, sitting on the ground, sobbing.

"Serena, what's the matter? Where's Bart? Are you hurt?" Lissk inquired.

"I'm alone, he disappeared, and no," she answered, respectively.

Chip emitted, "Logic shows that there is a 72% chance that he fell down a trap door in the floor. So I will search the floor for trap doors!"

"Then do it, little guy!" CYB said.

3 minutes of searching and scanning later, Chip discovered the trap door.

"Yippee! I found it!"

"Can you work it, Chip?"

"I think so, Miss Gomitz. But only long enough to let myself through."

"Okay, Chip. Get in there and hurry back."

Bart was not having a very good time. He had barely been able to dodge the Dictator's early blasts, and his huge metal whip deflected most of the others. Just as one of the shots nicked Bart's shoulder and he fell down in pain, Chip the mini-robot made his entrance.

Quickly Chip analyzed the situation and deduced a solution. He swiftly flew to the evil Dictator's head and attached himself to it. A small hum sounded and the Dictator's computer-grid face turned black.

"I -- I can't see!" the Dictator screamed.

Then Bart cracked his mighty whip, and just as he was about to strike his enemy, the Dictator faded away like a hologram.

"What the...."

"Do not be alarmed, Captain. The Dictator merely was teleported to another section of this outpost," Chip reassured.

"Doggone it! He slipped through our fingers again!"

"As they say, Captain, we'll get 'em next time."

"Let's find a way out of here, Chip ol' buddy."

Meanwhile, Serena was ruining his manicure, CYB-ORG was playing a video game on himself, and Lissk was dusting off his Alien Force uniform.

"What could be taking Chip so long?" Serena whined.

"He's probably just messing around," Lissk said.

"I hope he's in a fight. If he is, he better make dead meat out of 'em!"

"Oh, CYB, you're so warlike!" Serena criticized.

"Yeah, I'm warlike, 'cuz I like war."

Just then the trap door opened and Chip flew out. Then a laser bolt blew the door off. Slowly, Bart Battly stumbled out.

"Good, you're back. We've got to get going. Come on!" Serena ordered.

"Boy, you're sure happy to see me," Bart said.

"Yeah, I am. Let's go!"

Bart, hardly able to walk, ambled along behind the others. Then CYB noticed Bart, ran back and started to help him walk.

"C'mon, big guy, we're going to be blasted to microbes if we don't hurry up!"

"No we're not," Bart managed to say. "I have a transporter capable of taking us all back to the Black Hole instantly."

"Then why didn't you use it earlier?"

"I wanted to see how scared Serena could get," Bart chuckled.

"Well, turn it on!" CYB impatiently said.

"Okay," Bart said, and pulled out a device that looked exactly like the "tracer" Chip had seen when the team was leaving from Mocen. Then he pressed a button and in a flash of light, Bart, Serena, Lissk, CYB and Chip vanished.

The grey-cloaked Dictator, in his awesome spaceship, the Supernova, awaited Bart and his friends within the atmosphere of Tsunce. Some technicians were working on his grid-face. Half of the lights in his head were on, and the rest were still darkened. The man's hands, folded on his lap, twitched nervously, And then, a worker yelled, "Sir! The Black Hole approaching at 125.32 degrees!"

"Ready the guns," the Dictator said, hiding his nervousness.

Inside the Black Hole, things were not going smoothly.

"You had the transporter the whole time and you didn't use it?"

"Well...Serena, I forgot about it."

"Sure! Bart, the forgetful ox!"

"Uh, Bart?"

"Just a minute, Lissk."

"Uh, Serena?"

"Just a minute, Lissk."

"Guys, the Supernova is about to shoot us and blast the ship into micro-bits!"

"Oh, no!"

Bart's reflexes took over. He slammed the switch to hyperspace and did a nosedive with the ship. Then he turned the ship the opposite way and was flung into space. As the ship went into hyperspace, a powerful laser bolt hit the starboard side, throwing Serena against the computer terminal.

"Ow! I hurt my shoulder!" Serena wailed.

"Me too, crybaby," Bart returned.

"Could you please stop fighting for one minute?" CYB desperately yelled.

The two were quiet the rest of the way home.

* * *

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